I was reading in Romans today and came across these verses: "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his fath. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12: 6,7. Now these are nice, comforting verses about how we all have unique gifts to contribute to the world, but as soon as I read this I began to tear up. I was filled with a sense of longing, of wanting. See, the reason I was reading in Romans in the first place was because I am tired of waiting on my purpose. I am tired of walking into a classroom that is not mine as a substitute teacher. I am tired of seeing pictures from other teacher's lives on their desks, of their friendships with their own team of teachers. I am tired of teaching lessons that others have planned. And most of all, I am tired of working nights and weekends at a restaurant job that wears me out and tears me down emotionally. I'm tired of waiting.
I love teaching. I enjoy substitute teaching even more than I expected. However, some days I will be teaching a lesson and be suddenly filled with a longing for this to be my own classroom, decorated with my own creative crafts. I will be sitting in the teachers lounge and wish that I could create relationships with teachers that I could work with every day instead of moving from school to school like a vagrant. I can't wait to plan my own lessons, building on lessons past and seeing the progress in my students. I can't wait to organize my own desk. I want to be a teacher so badly. Lately I have actually given up the hope of getting a full-time teaching job. So today I decided I needed to open up God's word and be renewed so I could wait patiently for His plan. That is why I almost cried when I saw those words, "if [his gift] is teaching, let him teach." Oh, if the world would only let me teach.
I know that this waiting period for me could be much worse. I have a wonderful husband that encourages me to be patient and lets me know that everything will be ok. Sometimes I don't get much sleep between serving at night and teaching in the morning, but I could be a lot more worn out than I am, and at least my jobs are flexible. At least I have jobs. I even have a job that is within my career, though it is at the bottom of the totem pole. I have a God that is in control and has a plan for me. Yes, things could be much worse.
Life has a tendency to make us think that every waiting period, every dry period we go through feels like the worst. We wonder how we can get through it and if it will ever end. Then when it is over, we look back on it and most of the time we forget how hard it was. That's how my life felt when I was single for 21 years and wondered if I would ever find love. Now I have a wonderful marriage and I can't hardly remember how it felt to be single and waiting. We all have to wait at times, that is part of life on this earth. We just can't forget that the waiting will end eventually.
Therefore, I am learning that the best thing for me to do during this period of waiting is to remember how God has worked in my life before. In the past when I was waiting He was orchestrating something for me that was even better than I expected. He had a plan for me then, and He has a plan for me now. If He has truly given me the gift to teach, then one day He will let me teach. Until then I can count my blessings, do my best in the teaching opportunities that I am given, and hold on to the hope that it will all work out according to His perfect will. He has a plan, and that plan includes waiting.
