I tend to think that everything happens for a reason. There are a few reasons for this, one being that my favorite verse growing up was Romans 8:28, which says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His plan.” Reading back through my journal entries I can sense how God has led me, through little choices and odd circumstances, to where I am today in order to be the person I am. I can read prayers that my teenage heart uttered when I thought the world revolved around my high school, and I can see how God worked through every heartache to teach me a lesson I would need a few years later. It is incredible the way He can take my choices and weave them into a tapestry that shows a bigger picture. I caught a glimpse of the bigger picture when I realized how one small, seemingly insignificant choice I made in sixth grade changed the whole course of my life.
The music program in my elementary school had general music classes up until the sixth grade, when we were given a slew of instruments and we had to choose one to play in the band or orchestra. I remember thinking for days about which one would suit me best. Neighbors offered their instruments for me to try, and I went back and forth trying to decide my favorite. In fourth grade I had enjoyed the recorder, and the clarinet looked like the recorder so maybe I should play the clarinet. At the same time, I loved the sound of the flute. It reminded me of a jungle and ancient people playing reeds. I also loved the violin, the way it pulls you into its sound and makes you long for something, though you don’t know what. All three of these instruments played melodies and exciting parts in the band or orchestra, and they were quiet enough to blend in but beautiful enough to arrest your attention in a solo. In the end, I chose clarinet, and I’m still not sure exactly how I came to that conclusion.
The first time I played clarinet by myself in class we had to play Mary Had A Little Lamb for a grade. The teacher immediately asked if I had ever played before, and when I said no he suggested I look into private lessons. He saw potential in me from the first. We didn’t have much money for lessons, but since I chose clarinet I was able to take lessons from the junior high band director whose primary instrument was the clarinet. By the time I was in junior high, the teacher was still giving me lessons and knew my abilities so she always sat me in the front of the section. I had always been really shy, but I learned quickly that music gave me chances for the spotlight that I had secretly craved. When we moved to high school, the junior high teacher put in the recommendations for who could play in the top band, and I was the only one picked. I started out fourth chair in the top band in the high school, the only freshmen, and when we had chair tests halfway through the year I moved up to first chair. The junior high teacher recommended I start taking lessons from someone in the Cincinnati Symphony because I had reached a level that she was not comfortable teaching and she wanted to give me a better opportunity. My best friends joined the marching band and pep band, and since everything I did was for relationships, I too joined every band in high school. Music was becoming my thing, my niche, and finally when it was time to choose colleges and majors, I simply could not think of anything that I would enjoy as much as music.
This was the point when I could really see God’s hand guiding me through my decisions. When it came time for college music auditions I needed a nicer, wooden clarinet. They are usually very expensive and I didn’t think my family could afford one, but the nurse from my elementary school happened to be selling a professional model, and my family worked it out so we could afford it. God planted Belmont University in my heart during the search for college, and when I auditioned they only had one other clarinet music major so they gave me the highest music scholarship they offered. I also got a scholarship from Cincinnati for being a music major. If I had not chosen clarinet in sixth grade, I would not have been able to afford Belmont.
I have absolutely loved being a music major at Belmont in Nashville the past three years. There have been rough times when I was so busy I did homework and hung out with friends late at night, slept during meal times, and ate in my classes. There have been seasons when I cried myself to sleep for many nights in a row, and seasons when I had to learn hard lessons about letting go and moving on, but I can look back on those too and see why God led me through those storms instead of around them. My identity the last few years has grown out of my independence from living five hours from home, from the friends I have met here and the opportunities I have discovered. If I had not chosen clarinet I would not have met my boyfriend who also played clarinet, I would not have been at Belmont, or in Nashville. I would have been a different person who learned different lessons and had different life experiences. I would have known different people. It is incredible to me that that small decision pointed me toward this life. Who knows what other decisions effect our futures, and how big the ripples become when an insignificant decision breaks the surface of our lives.
